Lindsay Ricketts

mi amor.

its been rough, and now i begin to write again, because, well, that’s just what happens. and i’m glad to write again. i’m not really saying much in this post, but for the very few (mostly myself) that used to read this, its a little placer of where I am right now.

i have no bad feelings or resentment, only the trials of being in love with someone who is not in the place to be responsible to anyone right now, who is loosing his grip and his proud heart. mi amor. sometimes i am strong and alone, swollowing my disapointment with eyes still bright, other times i am slipping into the dull, simple drull of missing a fadded time. i think i am in mourning, but still living a haunted life as he continues to be with me. but i cannot give him up. yet. soon though, it’s inevitable i think.

aigh. i am so young.
what do i even want to do with myself? alone from my man, and most of my friends, whose connection is fadding as well. people are just having fun and getting fucked up together with memories, but there is no nourishment, and i am too dry for that. i am comforted by jasmin, always my angel, heidi, a good friend, and daisy, a new co-worker who is so kind and spirited and strong. all blessings. i miss community. but i can’t really start anything since i’m supposedly leaving for Oaxaca, Mexico in 2 months (that is still in the air, but I think its going ot happen). adn when i return, I have finished college and…. starting… no idea. Well, actually, I want to give a real go for Photography and/or teach english abroad in latin america. that is what i will probably do.

but who knows really. most of the time i am centered that I just put everything out there and something will work out. I’m fine with working a min-wage job, moving to a new place, and just be alone with my projects and hobbies for a while too.

and finishing college, I realized there’s so much UCR didn’t teach me that I want, need, to know. so i start my own library education and self-motivated papers.
books i’ve begun: Fidel, Socialism, and Cuba. Are prisons obselete? Howard Zinn’s Peoples History of the US. and a few Photography books.

artists i love right now: Ida Cox, Nina Simone, Bob Dylan, Charles Mingus, Phil Ochs, Marvin Gay, Mercedes Sosa, Ravi Shankar Sigur Ros, Bone Thugs and Harmony (yes)